Tag Archive: www.freedomlifelove.com



Just posting a quick announcement to watch for my brand new ebooks releasing this weekend at http://www.freedomlifelove.com

Check out ‘Identifying and Understanding Abuse’ for helpful tips on understanding the abuse cycle and how to know whether the relationship is salvageable and how to end an abusive relationship if it is not!

Or perhaps you could use some helpful tips on ‘Managing Stress’. Watch for the release of both of these books this weekend on my website!

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And stay tuned for two more great ebook releases in the next month: ‘The Four Stages Of Boundary Development’ and another compelling book simply entitled, ‘Forgive’!!

 

 

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For the past few weeks on Wednesdays, I have been blogging about varying things that I have been learning about and reading up on the subjects that most interest me. Today is no different. The avid reader that I am, I am excited to share some of what I have been reading up on. I wanted to touch on the subject of abandonment or feelings of abandonment and rejection that we experience from time to time in our life. I also want to touch on some of the core things going on inside us that pre-disposition us for abandonment patterns throughout life, that leave us feeling like, “Will I ever be good enough?” “Am I lovable?” “Why do the people I love always leave?” or, “why do I feel so empty, like nothing ever fills me?” or “Why do I always doubt myself?”

Chances are, if you wrestle with those questions, you have felt abandoned at some point in your life. I would even hedge a bet that it has occurred more than once, like a repeating cycle, or a record re-playing over and over the same song, because there is a scratch on the record. I know we don’t use records these days, we barely use cd’s anymore, just download it from iTunes on your iPhone or iPad, or whatever the latest MAC technology is offering! But I like the concept, because it is very much true of us. Like the old record player that can’t get past the scratch on the record, and repeats over and over… Much of our life is the same. There is a wound, a scratch per say, an injury incurred in a current or past relationship. And as much as we want, we try so hard to overcome it and be drawn to different types of people, the kind that won’t abandon, or betray or who can actually connect emotionally, but for whatever reason, we keep going through the same issues over and over and over. Different face, same problem, or varying form of abandonment, but nonetheless…it IS abandonment.

I’ve had what I refer to as my fair share of abandonment experiences in life. Perhaps more than my fair share. In fact, I might even go so far as to say, I don’t think my poor little heart can take another fall like that again! I always say of myself, that I am nothing without love. If I stop loving, I have no purpose left on this earth. What happens when you go through something so traumatic that you reach that point? You think… I just can’t handle one more betrayal, one more abandonment… I don’t know if love can survive in my heart, as if the candle inside of you is about to be snuffed out.

I’d say if you have reached that point, as I have, it’s time to learn how to stop going around the same mountain and figure out what’s at the root! It’s time to mend the wounds and fill the holes that just leak and leak every time anything tries to fill it.

There is this one passage of scripture I truly love as I identify with it so well! It goes something like this:

“My People have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” Jeremiah 2:13

I like this verse because it reminds me personally that the source of my life does not, nor should not come from a person, but that God, the giver of life, has an abundance of life he lavishly is ready to bestow on me at a moments notice, whenever I allow myself to trust him enough to meet that deep need no one else can perfectly fill. It also reminds me of my independence, and how I go to other things and people to try to fill the empty voids inside my soul. It is no secret that women have a never ending need for connection and intimacy, and we need it constantly, and consume it like we are starving. Why? Because there is a cistern we have dug for ourselves, going to other things and people and places trying to fill the emptiness ourselves. But what we are largely unaware of, is that our cisterns are broken, and cannot hold the water that represents life. It’s sinking out of the cisterns we built for ourselves out of that crack in the cistern into the ground beneath us, leaving us cracked and dry and continually feeling empty, and continually searching for something else to fill us.

Now I know I am mostly speaking on a spiritual level, and it is true that nothing can ever fill us more than that divine connection to our creator, but there are other natural contributors as well. I am a realist. I know we were created to connect deeply, that we were not meant to be alone or abandoned… No wonder solitary confinement is the cruelest of punishments, for no one was meant to be alone. We were made for relationships. But as humans, we are flawed and we can be self-seeking, or wounded ourselves and unable or incapable of being what someone else needs us to be. All kinds of circumstances and backgrounds cause our brokenness in how we connect to each other, injure each other, and break each other’s hearts. It was not meant to be this way.

But the reality we live in is tainted with flawed individuals all trying to connect to each other and find fulfilling and lasting meaningful relationships. Intuitively, we KNOW that is what we were made for, and we search for it our whole lives. Now because we experience trials and errors in our patterns of relating to each other, inevitably, someone is left wounded, abandoned by another from time to time. Hurting people hurt people. It’s just the way it is.

Looking at some possible roots of abandonment, we can often go back to childhood and find an ‘absent parent’, unavailable to the needs of the child, an alcoholic perhaps that neglects the child’s needs due to drunkenness, if not worse, engaging in some form of abuse. Perhaps your parents simply could not figure out how to effectively communicate with each other and the marriage broke down and one parent left, these are real scenarios not to be discarded by pat answers from some holy religious book. But the fact remains, God never meant for us to connect only to Him, but to each other as well. Those needs to connect intimately with others in our life are God-given as well. It was His plan to begin with. But he never desired the pain we experience as a result of living in a broken world. But though we are broken, there is healing, and God generously desires to bandage our wounds. In fact, Jesus not only died on the cross for our sins, he also took all of our wounds and injuries, and sickness on himself too, caring so deeply for us marred by the fallen condition of human nature.

But there is hope! There is light at the end of the tunnel! There is a chance, a real chance to heal, restore, mend the wounds and move on, healed and whole and complete! Believe it or not!

I recently read a book called “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”, by Susan Anderson. If you have ever felt abandoned, dismissed, washed up or thrown away and discarded like the trash from a significant relationship in you life, tell me if you do not identify with this quote from her book:

“People going through the anguish of love loss often feel that their lives have been permanently altered, that they will never be the same, will never love again. I’m writing to assure you that as devastated as you may be right now, your feelings of despair and hopelessness are in fact temporary, and they are a normal part of grieving over a relationship. In fact, only by grappling with the feeling that your life is over can you begin to rebuild…Anyone who feels this pain is in a legitimate crisis. Many feel as if they have been stabbed in the heart so many times that they don’t know which hole to plug up first. But these overwhelming feelings do not in any way imply that you are weak, dependent, or undeserving. In spite of the intensity of your feelings, you are still the competent, responsible person you thought you were. Your breakup, with all of its emotional excess, has not diminished you. In fact, being able to feel so deeply is a testament to your strength and tenacity. Only by giving yourself over to your feelings can you find your way out of them.”

We cannot simply ignore the pain and try and go on. It goes with us whether we deny it or not. In fact, studies show the importance of not resisting your emotions, because the more you resist dealing with them, the more intense they get, the more deeply ingrained they become and begin to produce toxins that harm us further. We were meant to let it go, by acknowledging it, feeling it, releasing it, and allowing ourselves to be lifted by peace through the process of time. Does time heal all wounds? I don’t know. It depends on what you do with it. What I do know for sure, is that God is able to heal the brokenness inside us, and there is a part we can take to participate in the work of healing as well. This blog is looking like another two part series, so stay tuned for next Wednesday’s completion on the things I’m learning about abandonment and the ways to bind up those wounds, pour healing balm on them, and be lifted to a place of resilience and healing!

If you’d like to look at a great resource, check out my one-on-one Trauma Recovery Program which will help bring control back into your life!

God bless!

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If you have any questions on today’s blog or would like help on taking steps forward, I’d love to hear from you!  Post a comment below or visit my website and register for your Complimentary Strategy Session to discuss your situation in more detail.

Katie Meilleur – Certified Life Coach


“From the brain and brain alone arise our pleasures, joys, laughter and jests, as well as our sorrows, pains and griefs.”

 – Hippocrates

Last Wednesday I blogged about some cognitive distortions, or lies that we tell ourselves, that when told repeatedly, become a pattern that eventually forms a belief. What we think about and dwell on, really DOES affect our beliefs! I also mentioned that I would discuss this week a little more in depth the research and studying I have been doing on the brain and how to rewire our brains from negative beliefs to become happier overall!

Breakthroughs In Modern Science

“Until recently, scientists believed that the human brain and it’s structures were formed during gestation and infancy and remained pretty much unchanged through childhood. You had a given number of neurons in a specific brain structure and…once you were done with childhood development, you were set in a mold. Your connections were already made, and the learning period of your brain was now over. In the last decade, however, researchers have found significant evidence that this is not so, and that something called neuroplasticity continues throughout our lives.” – Teresa Aubele, PhD, Stan Wenck, EdD, and Susan Reynolds. (Train Your Brain to Get Happy).

Neuroscientists now believe that the brain has the ability to change, to be molded, to repair damaged regions, grow new neurons and and get rid of old ones, to rezone regions that performed one task and give them the ability to assume new tasks and change the circuitry that weaves neurons into networks that allow us to remember, feel, suffer, think, imagine, and dream. Basically, our brains can continue to learn and achieve throughout the duration of our lives.

The part of my research I found most interesting was the recognition that we can rewire our brains from depression, worry, posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive compulsive disease etc. to becoming happier. For instance, if you worry a lot, you are accessing certsin types of pathways due to habit. But habits can change! I guess old dogs can learn new tricks! You can learn to retrain your brain to quiet the nervous pathways and strengthen others so that you don’t automatically go down the worry path!

If your typical pattern to facing problems is to feel depressed, your brain will continue that habit. However, we can instruct our brain to come up with creative solutions to our problems, thereby opening new pathways for our brains to use instead. If you program your mind with images of you being happy, and visualize the desired images long enough, your brain will associate happiness with them as the brain is not completely reliable at distinguishing actual events from fantasy or perception.

“The more you ask your brain to think happy thoughts, the more your brain responds by forging new…neural circuitry to light up your happy board, and by weakening the neuronal pathways that drain your happy thoughts.” (Train Your Brain To Get Happy).

 “If you routinely dwell on your resentments, regrets, and other negative emotions, the neurons involved in that particular mental activity will fire busily at the same time and automatically start wiring together as well. This process will add one more bit of neural structure to feeling discontented, angry or sad. On the other hand, if you regularly focus on the good feelings around you and inside you, like kindness, compassion, empathy, and patience, then the neurons involved in those thoughts will wire together and take up more space, stitching together more hopefulness, confidence, and happiness into the fabric of your brain and yourself (and taking away space from the negative paths!).

Last week i talked about negative thinking. Here’s what happens when we get stuck in negative thought patterns. Negative thoughts literally can make our brains dysfunctional! Certain brain configurations cause people’s emotions to repeat themselves, without decreasing in intensity. If the thoughts and feelings involve sadness or despair, it can lead to depression. Our brains were not meant to function for prolonged periods of time on negative thinking. Getting stuck in negative thought patterns makes it harder for a person to rebound from negative thoughts and emotions which makes it difficult to control these responses.

It is important to think about what we are thinking about! As I mentioned last Wednesday, the bible was onto something when it says of our thought life that

“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
Philippians 4:7-9

The authors of the book “Train your brain to get happy” most certainly agree that “on the flip side, being focused on positive, happy, hopeful, optimistic, joyful thoughts produces chemicals that create a sense of well-being, which helps your brain function at peak capacity.”

“Negative thinking slows down brain coordination, making it difficult to process thoughts and find solutions. Feeling frightened, which often happens when focused on negative outcomes, has been shown to decrease activity in the cerebellum, which slows the brain’s ability to process new information, and the left temporal lobe, which affects mood, memory, and impulse control.” (Train Your brain to get happy).

I can certainly identify with this. Whenever I am down in the dumps, it is more difficult to think of anything positive. In such times, when I try a “gratitude exercise” of trying to find 5 things I am grateful for that day, I struggle to come up with even one or two. But on a good day, I can think of so many things to be grateful for! As Napolean Hill said:

“As a man thinketh, so is he.”

Our minds have the ability to control what type of thinking we allow to go on. So go ahead… Get happy! Think some happy thoughts today! Dwell on the good things in life, even if it is a simple pleasure, like your favorite dessert, or a day at the beach, or your last vacation… Ahhh!!! Summer! Sleeping in, going out for breakfast with a good friend, reading a good book, watching a great movie, doing something kind for someone else, sitting by a fireplace in the winter, campfires in the summer, good uplifting music….

Think your way to happiness, feel your way to happiness, sleep well, eat well… Things will start to look up!

Some quick tips on good brain foods before I sign off for today… Whole grains, bananas, tuna, beans, barley, sweet potatoes, nutrient rich fruits and vegetables such as broccoli, spinach, Brussels sprouts. Dark green vegetables and dark orange vegetables like carrots and yams are excellent choices. Red peppers, eggplant, tomatoes, even red wine are powerful antioxidants!

Cancer preventing veggies: Bok choy, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, kale, rutabagas, turnips, and watercress.

Brain superfoods: Salmon, blueberries, apples, nuts, quinoa, oats, soy, chocolate!!!!

On that note… I’m getting hungry! Gonna go raid the fridge and see what I can eat to get my brain happier!

If you’d like to look at a great resource, check out my one-on-one Personal Development Program which will help you overcome depression, unhealthy thought patterns and so much more!

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If you have any questions on today’s blog or would like help on taking steps forward, I’d love to hear from you!  Post a comment below or visit my website and register for your Complimentary Strategy Session to discuss your situation in more detail.

Katie Meilleur – Certified Life Coach

Networking


Today I want to give a shout out to Khama Anku of spiritual physique in LA California, who has went above and beyond, promoting my life coaching practice, #freedom#life#love!

Khama has been in the coaching business for approx. 17 years and has it in her heart to help promote other coaching practices, such as mine!

So far, Khama has interviewed me for a teleclass on the 4 stages of boundary development, as I believe that boundaries are the essential building blocks for developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Most people skip over this particular subject, or have a vague understanding of the subject of boundaries, or are blissfully unaware altogether how important boundary development is in ALL relationships. You can listen to my interview with Khama at any time. It is available on my website as well.

Khama has also recently put out a detailed video endorsement of my Tele class with her, which I will post today as well on my blog for you to check out below! On top of all this, I am scheduled to do a video interview with her as well, coming soon, and to be interviewed on her radio station as well! I also was invited to go to California to a coaching conference where I will be featured as one of the coaching experts on personal development and relationships!

I am thrilled with the networking opportunity that has come out of this, and have gotten to know Knama a little and she has such a great exuberant heart to undergird and promote other coaches and offer supportive and creative opportunities to market private coaching practices! She has spent much time and effort doing all of this, and I am most grateful! I have entered into an affiliate program with Khama, and would love to promote her products as well, while I am still in the works of developing my own products.

I strongly encourage you to check out Khama’s series titled “Unleashing Your Breakthrough“.  This series is an excellent resource for learning how to Feel more confident and secure, Acquire radiant health and energy, Develop Satisfying Rlationships, Succeed at work you love, and so much more! 

The bottom line is, I am super grateful for the time and energy she has invested into promoting my business, that I would like to extend the same courtesy and invite you to check out what she has to offer.

I am also promoting the A-21 Campaign on my website as well, an organization that helps victims of human trafficking get out and get the help they need to re-orient them back into their lives and deal with the traumatic aftermath of the hell they have endured. If you wish to check out what the A-21 Campaign is doing, please click on the link on my website which will automatically refer you to their website as well! You can find ways to support what they are doing or donate funds to the organization empowering them to do more for these victims of the sex trade. I personally donate 10% of everything I make in my coaching business to the A-21 Campaign.

I am currently finishing up a book on personal development and how it affects our relationships as well. I am hoping to be finished writing it by the end of this month, at which point I will be looking at getting it published! Stay tuned for more updates on that as well!

Networking is such a great idea, and I am thankful for all those who have partnered with me in this life coaching journey! Including my classmates, teacher, and supportive friends who have encouraged me and cheered me on the path to reach this dream of mine!

You can reach yours too! I have faith in you! If you would like some coaching on how to reach your dreams, or in some area of personal development or help with a relationship, please click on the contact me page on my website, and sign up for one complimentary 30 minute life coaching session with me, to see if we both feel that you are ready for coaching at this time, and feel like we are a good fit. If not, I will happily refer you to one of my coaching colleagues if you feel they may be a better fit for you at this time!

If you know me, and believe in my coaching ability, I encourage you to spread the word and recommend me to those in your life you feel would benefit from entering a coaching relationship with me! I do international coaching, over Skype or phone so distance is not a barrier!

Cheers! God bless and have a great day!

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If you have any questions on today’s blog or would like help on taking steps forward, I’d love to hear from you!  Post a comment below or visit my website and register for your Complimentary Strategy Session to discuss your situation in more detail.

Katie Meilleur – Certified Life Coach


Good morning bloggers!

On Wednesday’s I blog about things that are going on in my life, the struggles, opportunities, memories, joys, etc. Today, I want to share with you about an exciting coaching opportunity that has recently come up for me!

A few weeks ago, I was invited to participate in an upcoming tele summit as a world class expert on boundary development, to be interviewed by Khama Anku, a life and success coach from California, founder of Spiritual Physique, along with about 25 others to be interviewed on subjects that they excel in. What an exciting opportunity!

The interviews will be airing live for 2 weeks starting April 9th, where you will be able to tune into my interview with Khama, along with all the others represented for this web event! The website is already up announcing the upcoming tele summit if you want to take a look and check it out! Once again, it does not air until the week of the 9th, so this site I am directing you too, is ONLY the advertisement of the event! Here is the website link to check it out and find more info: www.NoLimitsTelesummit.com
I will keep you posted on more upcoming news regarding this event!

This is an incredible opportunity for me to grow my business! The telesummit will be running for 2 weeks, and after that, there will be links posted on Khama’s website with the contact info for all the coaches represented in the telesummit for a year or more after the official launching of this event so people will continue to have access to the coaches participating in this event!

I will be specifically discussing the 4 stages of boundary development that I have recently blogged about, based mostly on the information I have gleaned from the authors Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud. I will also be offering a free gift to those who tune into my interview with Khama. 4 tools of boundary development as well as 1 complementary 30 min. Coaching strategy session with me.

In the next couple weeks you can also be watching for a couple videos of me announcing this event on YouTube and also on my website.  Feel free to check it out, as it is my new main life coaching page. Although you can still connect with me on the following links as well:
On Twitter, follow me as ktmeilleur
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ktmeilleur for my Facebook page, which by the way, I recommend you visit, and ‘like’ my Facebook page before March 31st, to be entered into a draw to win a free book, entitled “boundaries-where you end and I begin”. Hurry!!! Contest closes March 31st! See my facebook page for more details!
You can also connect with me here on WordPress, and search for Katie Meilleur on LinkedIn.

Other exciting stuff coming up for me is a soon to be announced event available to those in the greater Toronto area. I will be hosting a “Developing healthy boundaries” workshop, where people can gather together and learn in more depth how to develop and maintain healthy limits with others, learn what it is they are responsible for and what they are not able to control, while developing a firm sense of self worth and identity as well as seeing when and where the boundary deficiency first emerged in their life in a safe small group setting.

Also I will soon be wrapping up my boundaries series on Fridays here at WordPress, and moving into a new series on abusive relationships. My goal is to take this boundaries series and publish an e-book from it.

These are the current things that I have been diligently working towards! Thanks for checking out my blog! It’s exciting to share with you the goals and dreams and opportunities coming up in my life.
What are some of your goals? I would love for you to interact with me here on WordPress and share your goals and dreams with me as well! And if you don’t know how to make your dream a reality, and would like a little coaching accountability from me, let me know. Visit my website  and send me an email request. I do international coaching!

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