Tag Archive: Poetry

Last night I wrote a poem that I wanted to share on an issue that is relatively a big deal – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Originally, it was thought that PTSD was something only military personnel experience coming back from experiencing the trauma of the horrors of war. Now while this is most certainly the case, and very true, in more recent years, the condition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has been enlarged to any traumatic experience people go through, experiencing the same types of symptoms common to PTSD.

Anything from a major car crash, to being robbed, molested or raped, experiencing a natural disaster of some kind, major relationship betrayals or abuse, finding out your partner has been having an affair… On and on it goes. The only qualification is that the symptoms of PTSD MUST be present for more than one month.

I will not get into the symptoms in this blog, except for those which are mentioned in the poem I am about to share with you, but you can google the symptoms, or check back with me and ask, as I will eventually get to a whole series on PTSD at some point in the future. I think I have it slotted for November at this point in my Friday blogs! In the meantime, enjoy the poem I wrote just yesterday on the subject.

Locked In

My life just crashed
And fell apart.
Left for broke
I was on my own,
Locked in a cage
Of isolation & fear.
No hope of rescue.
Despair consumed me.
Out of the depths I cried out:
My God, My God
Why hast thou forsaken me?
Locked in a cyclone Of turbulence
Between anger, fear, rage
Forgiveness, hope, despair,
Comfort, isolation, disorientation
Numb, aching, anxious,
Sad, depressed and alone.
Longing for intimacy in private moments,
Guarded from everyone
Not letting a single soul in.
Locked in a cycle of sabotage,
Of self, relationships and love.
Alone, at risk for injury,
Despairing of life, hopeless, anxious
Avoiding, crying, numb again.
Who have I become?
Where did I go?
Why can I no longer feel love?
This is the face of PTSD.
Trauma destroys, demoralizes,
Shreds apart hope for normalcy.
Am I safe?
Can I trust?
Can I risk again?
Flashbacks, nightmares,
Coping mechanisms.
How do I accept this tragic event
That tore from under my feet
The last shreds of belief
That the world was relatively safe
And love was good?
Irresponsible, reckless, wish to die
How can I hide from this awful terror,
This darkest night of my soul?
I awake to relive it over and over again
And wonder will it ever be over?
Will I ever be whole?
Will I be forever changed by it?
Transformed to this new being
So dissociated from life and
All that is around me.
Nurture… Will I ever feel it?
Loved… Will I ever truly believe it?
Disillusioned again by
This whole cycle of life,
Will I ever recover enough to truly sing
‘this could really be a good life’?
“Wake up!” I yell inside myself
Facing a shell that dulls the sounds around me, locking me in a cage alone
Shell shocked and distanced from what is around me
I live, but do not truly live.
I am a shadow on a wall,
Where did I go?
Who am I?
Locked in my cage alone.
Balls drop, nothing is normal.
The new normal is anxiety at little things that are not a threat,
But the threat feels real.
It interferes with my waking hours, my work life, my social life,
All activities.
Can’t seem to keep everything functioning as it did before.
And I don’t even care.
Deadlines, call backs, follow through… Responsibility eludes me.
Trauma consumes me.
Somebody please, reach out and grab hold of me before I fall
Into a pit of darkness
And forever fall into oblivion.
God help me, God help us all.
Reach out and save me,
Breathe life
Into this broken, dying, empty shell.
Bring hope.

If you identify with this, I’ve developed a Trauma Recovery Program for training on tools to help cope with past trauma.  I’d love to hear from you!


If you have any questions on today’s blog or would like help on taking steps forward, I’d love to hear from you!  Post a comment below or visit my website and register for your Complimentary Strategy Session to discuss your situation in more detail.

Katie Meilleur – Certified Life Coach

No Greater Love

So today I was going to pick up where I left off from last Monday, writing more about attempts we use to ‘earn’ salvation, or God’s love, or access to eternal life, but instead, this morning, I woke up with a poem in my head, ready to get written down. I think it is a fitting place to include it in today’s blog for a couple of reasons.
1) Because it has to do with writing, which my Monday blogs are about, and
2) Because Easter weekend is coming up and that is what this poem has to do with. The real meaning of Easter. Not the chocolate bunnies, and the candy, and the Easter egg hunts, but rather an event that took place around 2000 years ago. The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and what I felt God revealed to me this morning about God’s love, and how difficult it is for us to love others as God has loved us. Hope you enjoy:

No greater Love

Don’t tell me that love is a simple choice
He gave his life for mine.
His body broken so mine could be whole,
My sin and my shame
He took on himself
No thought for his own reputation,
I was on his mind.
He did it for me
So I could be free.
He bore my burden, my sin, my shame
And rescued me from the pit.
This is what love is.
What a lesson to learn
To follow this example
To love those who harm us
Betray us and forgive them.
To love an enemy as much as a friend.
To humble myself just as he did,
And take on the effects and consequences of another’s shame
And pour out love, tenderness and mercy.
What a difficult lesson to learn.
When your heart trembles inside
Seeking revenge,
Wanting to stay angry and not to forgive.
Feeling the humiliation of bearing
Another’s shame.
Trying to retain your own reputation
And thinking how unfair this could possibly be.
They get their freedom
You feel the brunt of their fall.
And carry the consequences in yourself.
Is this love if you can do this well?
Is it simply a reminder
That no one is good, no not one.
That we all have gone our own way
Turned aside from following His path?
Is it a reminder of his great unfailing love for us, and how perfectly
he loves? And how imperfect I am?
Thank you Lord for what you have done…
The resurrection of your son from the grave,
After dying alone on a cross
Bearing the full weight of the world.
Our sins and our shame,
And offering in its place,
Freedom, new life, forgiveness and grace.
Teach me this grace.
Help me to love as you do.
There is no greater love than to lay own’s one life down for his friends.
Thank you Jesus, for what you have done.

For those of you celebrating Easter this coming weekend, I hope you have a great Easter and spend some time contemplating what Easter is about, and be thankful for the great love of God, who brought about the way for our freedom through Jesus Christ. Have a great Easter! God bless!

what is strength?

They say that when things are tough, the tough get going.

Well, I hardly would consider myself a ‘tough’ person, although many people have told me I am strong. I’m not sure if I believe them or if they simply say it to encourage me, or if they really DO see a strength in me that I cannot see for myself. Because when I look at what’s inside of me, I see human weakness, and frailty. I see someone who has been broken too many times to count, yet possesses this strange sense of resilience that even I don’t understand.

I have been disillusioned far too many times to count, in areas such as faith, my beliefs, my values and my understanding of morality.

I have always felt like I am a far too dependent person, simply because I allow myself to be vulnerable, real and open with those closest to me. I would also say that I am REAL with everyone, as I have not yet figured out how to hide on the outside what is happening on the inside. And I appreciate authenticity anyway, so I choose to be authentic.

I feel like I am in a sad state of affairs internally, as I currently continue to battle disillusionment in many areas of my life. Perhaps this is what happens when idealization shatters in front of you. Which is funny, really, in an ironic sort of way, because I have always thought of myself as a realist rather than an idealist. Possessing the ability to hope for and believe for the ideal, but to willingly accept the real.

What doesn’t make sense to me now, however, is that though I feel disillusioned, I am picking myself up off the floor, and going on. Damaged by what has harmed me, yet I am picking up pieces and moving towards the goals I have in my life, that are as of yet, unrealized. Perhaps I am placing my hope in something new while the rest of my life feels shattered? Or maybe this is how you move on, and grow. Maybe this is a mark of maturity, an embracing of all that is, no matter how unpleasant, and growing up and becoming someone who is less dependent on other’s, capable of achieving my dreams and reaching some long lost goals.

Maybe I finally am strong enough to accomplish what I have allowed fear, anxiety & insecurity to hold me back from. Maybe I misunderstand the definition of what it means to be strong. Maybe the harshness of life is a training ground to make us tough enough to handle the hardship, while keeping us soft enough to receive the healing & inspiration we need to move forward.

Coming back to my opening line about what happens when the going gets tough… Perhaps they are right that the tough do get going.

In my own life, no matter what I feel I am struggling with internally, on the outside, I see initiative like I have never known before. I used to feel like getting motivated was a tough thing for me. I allowed a lot of things to hold me back- mostly anxiety and fears.

But perhaps going through some of the most difficult things in my life, facing my worst fears, and some I never imagined possible, I came out on the other end finally with the belief ‘what is man? And what can he do to me?’ maybe it’s because it’s all been done… And I’m still standing. (although sometimes I feel like I’m crawling… And then those other days were even crawling out of bed feels like a chore…)

The point is, that maybe I’ve overcome my fear. Maybe my fear of rejection has been solved by experiencing it, and living to tell the tale.

But whatever it is, I’m moving forward. I’m taking my life in my hands and saying ‘I will not allow fear to hold me back anymore’ and I press forward towards the dreams, desires and visions I’ve carried for years, but held myself back from due to fear or negative self talk about myself.

Maybe the confidence I was hoping to get from others, the affirmation and reassurance, is coming from within, instead of from external sources. I feel motivated like never before to accomplish my dreams. My goals. I feel like nothing can stop me. Because the things I thought could, have not destroyed me. Perhaps I’ve been set back a little, but I am pushing forward. There is within me an inner resolve, and an inner resource of life & love I didn’t know I could possess in light of the trauma I endured last year.

It’s my time. To reach out and grab what I have longed for and yet had allowed myself to be held back by for so long.

Is this what they call resilience? Is this what strength is? Perhaps I have misunderstood what strength is.

I want to share a poem with you I wrote a while back about hope in the middle of a storm. Here it is:

Though I am Weak

Though I am weak in my flesh
I feel my spirit coming to life.
Love bursts forth from my heart
Like the dawn of the sun,
Overflowing like a tidal wave
Sweeping over the broken places within me
Making all things new.
Hope arises, is stirring anew
The love for the broken
Makes me new.
When I am rejected, I love all the more
The love of God covers the failures of men,
His light is shining bright in my heart
The morning has come.
His love floods my heart
With his pure love
Covering over my imperfect human
Capacity for loving.
He empowers me anew,
His armor he puts upon me
His strength has come.
‘the journey ahead is too much for you’ he said…
Rest, eat, sleep…
He has come to my aid,
Come to my defense
His shield is upon me,
I rest beneath his feathers,
His wings overshadow me
Like a mother hen,
As he heals and mends the broken
Places in my soul.
I breathe in deeply
A breath of clean air,
Throw my hands up,
Weary from fighting on my own.
I surrender, I trust. I rest in you.
You are my defender,
The one who lifts my eyes up
To the hills
When my head is too weary to lift my gaze upon you.
My strength & my help
Come from the Lord.
His salvation for me has come.
My first love renewed.

-Katie Meilleur

So here is my closing question for the day, and I would really love to invite your commentary and thoughts on the subject. How do you define strength? What is it? What does it look like? Feel like? How does it function? What… IS strength?

%d bloggers like this: