I’m feeling a bit under the weather today, as I have been all weekend. Sigh. 😦 So I thought today might be a great day for me to take an intermission from my usual writing and simply share a poem with you that I wrote about 10 years ago, during a very hard and difficult time of my life. I hope it encourages you!

Box of broken treasures

God and I took a walk together this afternoon.

Hand in hand, we took a journey into the depths of my heart.

It’s been quite some time since I have walked in this room,

And I’ll admit, I have not wanted to come here alone.

But this time it felt so safe and warm, with His hand in mine.

I felt confident walking beside Him, knowing He has all the keys to this place.

And He won’t abuse my heart.

His Father’s love, His arm of protection, felt so secure.

We walked towards one of the big boxes in my heart’s room,

And I was feeling squirmish inside, and felt like turning away.

But towards it we continued, and He turned to me and asked, (although he already knew)

“What’s in this box?”

The enormous cardboard box loomed in front of me, all taped up and bulging out.

I’ve never looked at it from this viewpoint before.

It looked as though someone had took all of its contents and jammed them

Inside the box in a huge hurry… that someone was me.

There were tear-stains on the box. More than I can count, or care to remember.

So many tear stains that it looked as though the box had been left out in the rain.

It was no longer a sturdy box, because the tear stains had ruined

The durability of the box.

Jesus was standing there with His big hand still in mine, and he knew.

He knew what this box represented to me. 

He knew that inside this box were the memories of good times and bad…

More bad than good.

He knew this box was marked “betrayal.”

He turned to me again, and said,

“I know. I felt it too.”

He let me stand there taking in His words that cut like a knife to my heart.

They reopened the wound that’s been there so long…

And yet…

When His words touched my heart, they were like a healing balm,

A gentle whisper, the warmest embrace.

His words cleansed the infection in this wound.

And He spoke again:

“You must forgive.” 

But the way He said it was so gentle, like He was telling me good news.

Like He knew it was the only path to healing.

And then we stood there for a while in silence,

As His heart probed mine.

And all the while, the contents of the box spilled out, one at a time,

No particular order.

Memory after memory began to surface to my mind.

As my mind recalled, my heart felt the touch of those memories in my life.

I felt the warmth of intimacy, the happiness of it…

Accompanied by the sting of betrayal immediately following.

The hurt that caused my heart to cease from desiring anything warm at all.

I felt the sting of broken trust, the desire for restoration.

The desire to stay angry, not wanting to reconcile.

The longing for intimacy, for this friendship gone sour.

I ached for it, and recalled the times we fellowshipped with God…

My favorite memories of all.

But these memories are all still painful,

When I hear the cutting words, the put downs, the manipulation I felt.

I felt taken for granted, and taken advantage of;

Anger and resentment at my compassion being aroused,

And played against me.

Have I ever had such a variety of highs and lows,

Longings, and vows to protect my heart?

But here I was with the Lord most High,

And He made himself a little lower than the angels as He stood here next to me,

Reasoning together with me, and relating to me, as though we were equal…

Though we both know we are not!

It’s been a long time since I’ve taken this journey to my heart.

This box in front of me is the biggest reason why.

But as we stood here, He said one more thing to me,

“Let it go.”

Holding on to this box myself has only been a hindrance to me.

And it’s kept me hiding from me.

His advice is good. 

Everything He says sounds good when I’m standing in his presence.

Ok Lord…

Here’s my box of broken treasures.

Will you hold onto it for me?

-Katie Meilleur-

 Nov. 21/02

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